- Home
- Resource Directory
- School and Program Directory
- Addiction Treatment Programs
- African American Youth
- Asian Youth
- Boarding Schools
- Boot Camps
- Boys Only
- Buddhist Youth Programs
- Catholic Programs
- Christian Based
- Clinically Based
- College Support
- Eating Disorders
- Educational Services
- Equine Therapy
- Girls Only
- Hebrew Youth Programs
- Hispanic Youth
- Learning Disabilities
- Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, & Transgender
- Mentoring
- Military Style
- Muslim Programs
- Native American Youth
- Over Seas & Abroad
- Preteen Programs
- Semitic Youth
- Special Needs
- Summer Camps & Programs
- Teen Homeless Shelters & Programs
- Therapeutic Treatment Programs
- Transition Programs
- Treatment For Sexual Issues
- Young Adult Programs
- Weight Loss Programs
- Wilderness Based
- Resources For Parents
- Local Resources
- Resources for Teens
- Resources for Professionals
- School and Program Directory
- Articles
- Hotline Directory
- Disclaimer
- Guest Posting
- Contact Us
- Advertise
Divorced But Still Parents
A divorce is the legal way of ending a marriage. Sounds simple, right? Well, it is not that simple when there is a child in the middle, a child who has to face the brutal reality of his parents breaking up. His parents that he or she equally loves, the parents that were always saw as a couple, a team, a family. A divorce is considered the second most traumatic even, after the death of a loved one.
Besides the sadness and the emptiness in the hearts and souls of those who choose separate ways, a divorce will have a tremendous impact on the children as well. The bright side of things is that most of the times you can change the way your children goes through this process.
It is well known that children react very differently during or after a divorce, most of the time their pain being more severe than the pain of the partners that are breaking up. Every child is unique, every child has his own personality and own development rhythm.
Not married, but still parents
What is important to understand is that a divorce is a separation between a husband and a wife, not a separation between the parents. So, even if most of the times, after a divorce the child will stay with the mom, because she is the one that can best address his physical, psychological and emotional needs, the father should definitely be in the picture as well.
Love, love, love
The most important thing you, and by you I mean both mother and father should do during and after a divorce is to show your children that you love them. Show them you love them like you never did before. A child might consider himself or herself guilty for the break up or might wander “what it is going to happen to me now?” so you need to show your love more than ever, in every way you possibly can.
Doctor Gary Chapman, a marriage and family life expert points out five different love languages: words, touch, gifts, services and quality time. Each person has a primary love language, you have a primary love language and your child has one. Find out what it is and show your love.
Another important tip is to surround your child with supportive friends and family, and yes this includes the both parents. Remember, you might not be a couple anymore but you will still are parents and your kid needs both of you.
Communication
Last tip I would like to share with you just sit down and explain things to your child. Depending on the age children might not even know what a divorce is, they might get scared, so communication is really, really important. The number one factor that is going to determine how your kids are going to react and adjust after a divorce is how conflict between the parents is managed and how you communicate these things to your kids.
Author bio:
Claire is a part time blogger and beauty addict. She runs a website about Brazilian waxing that also covers other types of bikini waxing, such as French wax. If you have any questions on waxing make sure to check her website.
Related articles
- Abby Tolchinsky: Is This The Worst Way To Announce A Split, Or The Best? (huffingtonpost.com)
- Educating An Alienating Parent (blogs.psychcentral.com)
- Broken Hearts All Around: Divorce And Revenge (blogs.psychcentral.com)
- Valen”twine” Chokes Marriages (my.psychologytoday.com)
- Claire N. Barnes, MA: Want Your Kids To Survive Your Split? Read This (huffingtonpost.com)
- Helping Children Survive Divorce: Is Co-Parenting A Good Idea? (psychologytoday.com)
- Divorced Parents: Parenting Action Plan (blogs.psychcentral.com)
- The Stir: 5 Things NOT To Say To Single Moms (huffingtonpost.com)
- Risa Garon: 8 Ways To Handle The Holidays Post-Split (huffingtonpost.com)
- Latest Issue of Divorce Magazine Helps Readers Overcome Negative Thinking (prweb.com)
- Divorce Tool Box Divorce Coaches Offer 8 Tips During International Child-Centered Divorce Month on How to Effectively Co-Parent After Divorce (prweb.com)
- There’s no such thing as a good divorce: the kids always suffer (smh.com.au)
- How Does Divorce Affects Your Children: Find Out! (socyberty.com)
Disclaimer
Rescue Youth is committed to providing a directory that is accurate, up-to-date and comprehensive. All information provided is considered accurate as of the date indicated for each business record. Users of this Directory are advised that this information is provided as a general reference only. Rescue Youth assumes no responsibility for the accuracy of the information contained herein, and do not assume any liability resulting from errors or omissions. Inclusion or omission of business or organization is not a comment on its quality. Inclusion of a company or organization on the Rescue Youth Website does not constitute endorsement, or recommendations of their products or services.Most of the programs listed on this website are not regulated by the federal government, and many are not subject to state licensing or monitoring as mental health or educational facilities, either. A 2007 Report to Congress by the Government Accountability Office (GAO) found cases involving serious abuse and neglect at some of these programs. Many programs advertise on the Internet and through other media, making claims about staff credentials, the level of treatment a participant will receive, program accreditation, education credit transfers, success rates, and endorsements by educational consultants. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC), the nation's consumer protection agency, cautions that before you enroll a youngster in a private residential treatment program, check it out: ask questions; ask for proof or support for claims about staff credentials, program accreditation, and endorsements; do a site visit; and get all policies and promises in writing. Click here for questions to ask before you enroll your child in any program.
Originally posted 2012-02-16 17:08:37.
Thank you for your article. Sadly, many children do not receive the loves and support of both parents during, and after, a divorce due to parental alienation.
Parental alienation is a destructive family dynamic affecting countless children, parents and extended family members every year. For more information, and resources, on alienation you can visit http://www.afamilysheartbreak.com.
mike jeffries recently posted..Hope for the holidays
My husband just got tuscody of his two kids two years ago now. His ex-wife is living with an ex convict who was in prison for murdering someone. What he did was hire a lawyer to get an Emergency Order for Child Custody. This was in Florida. It might be called something different in your state. This was because we had them for summer visitation and the kids were telling us about how neglected and abused they were. The clothes they had didnt fit them and had holes all in them. No adults were ever in the home supervising 8 children under 10. His ex defended herself and the judge STRONGLY recommended that she get a lawyer. She admitted to everything and thought she wasnt doing anything wrong, but the judge told her she was and she was to straighten out her situation, which she never did. Meanwhile, my husband got tuscody of the children. The court asked for her evidence in the case, also known as discovery. She never produced it because she is not a lawyer and doesnt know anything about the law. She then had a default order against her and the judge told her that she could participate in the court proceedings, but she could not submit any evidence at a later date. She tried to cry and scream, but it didn’t work on the judge. Her only defense was that she was the mother and she should have them. He had two more court dates and she acted as her own lawyer and had no clue what she was doing. My husbands lawyer submitted everything he had into evidence and she never objected because she didnt know how. She was ordered to pay child support and, surprise surprise, she hardly ever does. She hasnt seen them in three years now. She couldnt submit any evidence that she tried to see them or contact them in any way. A year after he was awarded tuscody we moved to Washington and she just yelled about it, but she now has a warrant for her arrest so she isnt interested in going to court. She has gradually faded away with the occasional phone call and the occasional $ 20 child support payment. Look into an emergency order based on the living situation and get all the evidence you can against her. The time it took from filing the order to having tuscody of the children was one week. Good Luck!
Okay, I certainly am a bit late with micmentong this post, but I have one question, not so related to this specific topic I was wondering what do you therapists actually think about your patients. I mean, of course you have enough strenght and patience and broad minds to be honest and supportive, and I think it takes a much deeper level of understanding people than one average person does have; but just out of curiosity, I would have considered being a therapist, only if it wasn’t for the fact that when I see this kind of parents you described above, I would have enough self-control not to start yelling at them and really try to solve the issue, but inside I’d be full of loathe for people who think they can become parents without knowing anything about human mind and psychology. I certainly see in your posts that you are not numb to these horrible human paterns, but is it just in order to cause laughter, or is it really also hard for you as if it’s for other people?Btw, I simply adore reading your blog, congrats!
was true, “the less than wonderfully taeentld child in a Chua-like home would shrivel up psychologically from a lack of parental love.” Mr. Thomas, you’ve gotten to the heart of the matter. Thanks goodness.After 40 years of counseling children and just publishing a book about parental love, I want to lend my enthusiastic clinical support to what Mr. Thomas is saying. “Doing the right thing at the right time in the right way” looks something like this based upon counseling over 2500 children: (a) your child knowing you believe in his or her abilities, (b) always expecting the best effort, according to the child’s personality, (c) keeping “your bad” shame based discipline (Chua’s style) out of the inevitable failures. That’s the parental love way.Success comes in many different colors and hues. Make sure the success rainbows are coming from inside your child by fully developing your parental love.